Addicted to porn and masturbation!

Addicted to porn and masturbation!

Besides my work as a soft skills trainer and motivational speaker, I also work as a life coach for one of the emotional wellness platform in India. One of the most pressing concerns that people who are in the age group 18-30 happen to be facing is the habit of watching porn and over masturbation. More than 90% of the population from this age group would belong to the people who are in their late teens or early adulthood. And 60% of the clients who get connected with me their concerns would be related to porn and masturbation.

With the growing numbers, it is but important to talk about it out more in the open, and also understand some underlying concerns that had surfaced in the process.

First things first, addicted to porn and masturbation is just like any other addiction and the only difference that surrounds or I should say are the myths and confusions that come with it. Myths surrounding it can be as weird as someone believing that masturbating daily might increase their height or may give them an improved jawline. These two instances might seem to be very funny but it also points out towards the lack of education regarding this topic.

Although it is very normal and natural to explore and have curiosity related to sex during teenage years or in the early twenty’s, however, when one is indulging in it without any control and starts to feel disoriented then it’s an alarm.

I also remember the day when as a teenager I was curious about porn too. During those days porn was not easily accessible and one had to rent VCD’s and for those who didn’t have the luxury of a CD player had to rent it too from the numerous CD library shops that mushroomed back then. I was in 11th standard. But as a normal phase, it passed by me too.

But looking at the way this passing menace has gripped not only the teenagers but the youngsters who are in their late twenty’s or early thirty’s and rather than relying upon any real relationship they are solely depended on the ‘mental harem’ to gratify their senses is something very worrisome.

It is also important to understand that porn and masturbation is also like a medium of escape (the easiest accesible escape) when things are stressful in life. As self-gratification gives a temporary sense of relief or to false sense of coping up with life stress so one would often find people indulging in these habits as a source of coping mechanism.

Does it help? The answer is absolutely not!

The habit of porn and heavy indulgence in masturbation creates a state of mental and emotional agitation and if not controlled then it can affect one’s physical health too. The most common question that I encounter from youngsters is “I want to stop this habit but I can’t control myself”. The question is who else will come and control it for you? The indulgence has so much increased that increasingly high number of those who are addicted to this habit has shown some kind of perversion or the other.

For many, what started as an innocent curiosity have become a dangerous indulgence which results in frustration and being reduced to just a slave of your mind.

The indulgence has so much increased that increasingly high number of those who are addicted to this habit has shown some kind of perversion or the other and don’t treat women any more than just an object of gratification. It is also important to note that both the genders have been impacted by these negative elements.

For those who are really looking to get out of this habit needs to make a decision to stop the habit once and look at life from a different perspective. Don’t try to control, if you want to stop this habit in one go it’s going to relapse with a higher force. It’s important to understand that the habit which took years to form would need your patience and time to deal with. You gradually need to cultivate the positive habits and work on them day in day out.

For those who want to start then can make a weekly plan to start with. Start with a simple goal as in how many numbers you can reduce your habit of masturbation, say for example if you were masturbating 7 to 10 times in a week, try to reduce it by 2-3 times in the first week and gradually bring to masturbating two to three times a week which is healthy for both your mental and physical growth. Try to understand the science behind it, I would advise those who are reading it to go through the relation between testosterone hormone and masturbation. For those who are in fitness and have some serious goals, they need to be all the more disciplined.

For both the indulgence in porn and masturbation, you can make a log table and record the number of times you indulged yourself in the habit. In this manner, you can bring more accountability to control the habits.

The most important thing to do is to get busy with productive work in your life. If you have to indulge in something then indulge yourself in improving your life by updating and upgrading yourself by gaining knowledge and by improving your health. Because when you are too busy improving yourself and grow there won’t be any spare time for you to be able to waste it.

The goal is to reduce the masturbation and stop watching porn once and for all. One moment of distraction can go a long way to impact your goal in life in a big way.  You always have the power to choose, and let not the complaint of your stressful life be an excuse to indulge in the negative habits of life.

If readers want to ask me anything then I would request them to leave me a message or comment. You can also let me know if you want me to cover any particular topic.

Credit:Google images.




Stop Procrastinating!

Stop Procrastinating!

How to stop procrastinating?

When you sleep the whole day and are not able to push yourself out of the bed when you repeat the words that “I know but I don’t want to but I can’t, when you give yourself one million ways of ifs and buts then understand that you have been bitten by the bug of procrastination.

Often when I hear people questioning that “I want to be rich but I don’t know HOW”, “I want to get fit but don’t know HOW”, “I want to start reading books, but I end up watching TV”, “I want to stop worrying but I get more insecure”…so tell me what should I do and HOW should I stop all the worries and achieve whatever I wish.

Youngsters also frequently ask sounding frustrated about the habit of over masturbation and watching porn. “I want to stop this habit as it is ruining my peace and energy, but the problem is I can’t”.

“I plan to study but when I sit and open my books I start to day dream and get distracted by million things and by the time I realize I end up already wasting my time”.

Wish all the day, and so you wish but nothing is going to happen. You are not procrastinating but actually, you are in the “habit of procrastination”.

Don’t you really know HOW to? Tell me your schedule and I will tell you whether you are building your life to become rich or its just a mental speculation of hollow aspiration.

Tell me about your calorie intake, and I will tell you whether you really want to get fit or just ruminating on failure to stick to a diet and exercise?

Stop giving yourself the excuses of  “not being able to” anymore. If you desire something then it has to be backed up by your efforts and perseverance. And probably that’s the reason behind the success rate of people with talent without motivation or perseverance is lesser than people with average talent and with a high level of perseverance and motivation.

Procrastination is an extension of chronic thought of ‘if’s’ and ‘but’s’. “What if this and what if that? I know everything but I don’t want to”… First of all, there’s a huge difference between knowing and doing. Everybody knows what’s the right thing to do, and it doesn’t matter at all and makes no difference if you are not converting your knowing into actions. If you are not doing anything about your ‘knowing’, then it is as good as a big zero-0.

So how do you stop procrastinating?

If you are expecting to read a trick or some quick fix tips, stop reading and leave the blog right away.

I see that you are still here and really want to get over this habit. So, let me tell you the secret of stopping to procrastinate, and that secret is to START!

Stop being caged in your own myriad of thoughts and START. Whether you are a teenager, whether you are a youngster in your early 20’s struggling with your career, whether you are someone who is struggling with your relationship, whether you want to control your financial situation, whether you are disappointed with your health status and the way you look…Take a decision to START, take a decision to start the ignition, take a decision to stop worrying, and START to take actions.

Each day, every day start taking a decision that will enhance your life, that will enhance your health and habits. You might ask me, where do I start? Start from anywhere, your life can be compared to a messy closet and when you think about rearranging it, it might give you anxiety but the point here is not to look at the closet and worry but starting to arrange it. And you can start from any section. Once you start it would just be about your effort and patience.

Change would come with you or without you, time would pass by with you or without you, and life will move on with you or without you. You need to be the one to decide whether you keep resisting it or embrace it and make it meaningful for yourself.

The kind of life you want is right in this moment happening, don’t complain when you are in a toxic relationship, don’t complain when you don’t like the way you are, don’t complain of being sick and tired of the job that you are in, don’t complain about your habits that you are putting you down. Because you yourself have been deciding to be in this state, to be with the person who treats you like a garbage, to be

Because you yourself have been deciding to be in this state, to be with the person who treats you like a garbage, to be in a job which doesn’t give you any fulfillment, to be in a self created shell. So stop complaining and DECIDE to break the pattern. If you are not happy do something about it or SHUT UP!

Take a decision to change, then plan to implement those changes, begin and repeat it each day, every day!

Credits: Google Images.





The disease that I don’t want to deal with!

The disease that I don’t want to deal with!

“I feel so helpless”

“I hate myself, I am an idiot”

“Why me?”

Do you find these statements familiar?

In my interaction with various people in training, and one to one counselling sessions I commonly encounter these two questions- what is the purpose of life, and their inability to accept themselves.

The nature of these two questions seem to be unrelated. But at the same time if one cannot accept oneself there is lesser possibility of growth of an individual, leave alone the discovery of one’s Purpose of life.

Many a times people find it difficult to accept themselves because they don’t like the way they look, they don’t like the way people judge them, they don’t like the way they think, and they don’t like the way their life is in comparison to others.

The stratum of comparisons have reached the level where the individuals know that they are comparing their life with others but still they can’t help but end up doing the same. We have reached the point of learned helplessness to the extreme levels where we derive pleasure in comparing, complaining and contemplating without doing anything about it.

Why accepting your ‘self’ is necessary and pivotal?

When you accept yourself as you are positive change starts to take place. Accepting yourself includes accepting your thoughts, individuality, your behaviour and your situations and circumstances. Unless you recognize the concerns you cannot start working towards any change or improving the circumstances. You can’t shoot arrows in the dark and expect to hit the target. It is better to have clarity on the foes we are fighting.

“But what about my circumstances?”

“What if even after trying I go empty handed?”

Do one thing today, strike out all your “ifs” and “buts” from your vocabulary. Those are powerless and do you no good. We have set our standards for being ugly and beautiful, and being successful and a loser. But who is defining the standards and against whom or what do we compare with to set the standards?

Not accepting or inability to accept is like saying, that you have discovered a cancer in your body but you don’t want to do anything about it, but you are too stressed because of it. Does it make any sense?

You have heard it million times, and I would repeat it again that no human is alike, everyone has a distinct set of DNA and cell structure, and therefore it is nonsensical to compare yourself with anyone. Another point to understand is we are here to contribute and help others to reach their goals and in turn nurture ourselves to achieve ours. It’s a powerful act of interdependence. And unless you discover your gifts how can you contribute to the humanity. Remember the world is waiting for you!

The problem here is the resistance to change, and thinking that when your circumstances will change then you will be happy, when people treat you right then you shall be happier. But how is that even possible when you are not ready to change your thought patterns?

But, it’s so difficult to start!

When you are ailing and decide to visit a doctor do you complain that you have to take out time, fix an appointment and visit the doctor? Probably not. Of course it may be too taxing to go because of the health condition, but you do go. So it starts with a step and that may or may not be difficult.

We get overwhelmed by the mountainous problems that we see in front of us. But look at the problem like this, unless you start with a step how can you even think about scaling the mountain. So go one step at a time, and one day at a time. Don’t worry and stress about the whole problem in hand, slice it down and take one piece at a time.

Effective people don’t find their passion first, they first find out their interests, and on the way there will be many trials and errors, and you shall fail many times. When you take initiative you shall find few things where you are good at, and few areas where you are average at, and yet some where you will find its out of your interest areas.

Then keep on experimenting with your interests, keep doing that until you find your uniqueness there. Don’t loose heart if the results doesn’t show up.You don’t expect a seed to grow into a sapling then start giving you fruits immediately after planting it in the soil. It takes time, it needs proper nurture and care. And when its time, it shall give you the fruit. You got my point!


One of the powerful affirmation that I came across and I constantly recommend to the people i meet is- “I AM ENOUGH!”

That’s powerful enough to change your circumstances by giving you a different paradigm.

With that affirmation, don’t wait for the circumstances to change for you to make a start, start anyway. When you undertake the journey, things will unfold itself just like when you read a book the story will only be revealed while turning the pages.

So, start by recognizing your reality and your individuality, and accept it and approve of it. There is no need to resist what you discover, you only have to work on your gifts and contribute back to the nature.


Do share your view on the comments below.

(The featured image was clicked near MG Road in Gangtok by the author)

When you begin to live an inspired Life!

When you begin to live an inspired Life!

I am excited! Yes, being in a place where you always wish to be, doing the things that you love and most of all living a passionate life, all of these marks for the perfect ingredient for a purposeful living.

Mountains and hills inspire me, and having born and raised in a city I always hankered to spend some time amidst nature. But I never wanted to visit a hill station as a tourist, in fact I don’t enjoy crowded tourist places where people are too noisy and busy clicking selfies.

Rather I always wanted to stay in the hills, wake up every morning to the chirping of some unknown flock of birds, hear the distant giggling of children playing in the nearby mounds, sip my cup of tea looking at the magnificent landscape right against my balcony, and the smoke coming from the chimney of a wooden house surmounted on the surrounding hills.

Yes, all that is happening right now.

When you live your dreams, it is not less than a magic!

Last March when I resigned from my job I wanted to pursue that I enjoyed doing. It’s not that I did not like my last job. I was working as a learning and development professional with a good pay.

But I was fed up with the 9-6 timing (sometimes till 10 PM),  the daily meetings which I found nonsensical. The monthly reviews on some imaginative figures defining the feasibility of learning and development. And the regular poke by the manager to doubt my abilities.

It’s an irony when people with least empathy work in human resource department.

After resigning from the job I packed my bags and went to Himachal and traveled to some beautiful hills and terrains of Barot and Parashar lake. I also stayed in McLeod Ganj for few days and made a wonderful friend there.

I still had some doubts to live an unconventional life, I applied for another job. I was confident that I would get through. However, my name was not there among the selected list of candidates. I was in deep trouble, I didn’t had any plan B.

When life becomes stressful, it takes a toll in your health too. My back was anyway not in good shape as I have strained it too much during my first attempt to start a cafeteria.

I was diagnosed with a slipped disc in the month of May, and my legs started weakening gradually. Doctor advised me a complete bed rest for 3 months. It was really frustrating but it also gave me time to reflect back on my strengths and inner calling.

It turns out that life becomes monotonous even when you don’t do anything; I would wake up by 6 in the morning, do my back exercises, have breakfast then go for physiotherapy. Then the whole day I would search for jobs and apply the suitable ones. Read as much as I can, Have dinner and sleep.

Then, I would repeat the same the next day, and for the next three months I would repeat the same.

After three months I stopped applying for jobs anymore.

I started meditating regularly, it helped me flush my negative thoughts and made me stronger physically and emotionally.

After a month of regularly practicing mindfulness in meditation I felt much better, a ‘feel good’ feeling can do wonders. I gradually made myself believe that I don’t really need to work conventionally to sustain myself. While meditating I figured out my purpose and my goals. I felt lighter!

I realized that throughout my life I have lived a twofold purpose– to Inspire others and get inspired. So, why not start working on that? Why not continuously do something I love- write, coach and inspire others and in return get inspired!

Everything started falling in place. I have started working as a consultant counselor, and now I am working on my first book. I have also started to jot down ‘ideas’ (will write about them later) daily. I will also be giving a session on ‘stress management’ and the ability to say ‘no’ for school students in Chemchey in South Sikkim. I am excited!

Sheer law of attraction!

We get a beautiful view of Mt. Kanchanjanga from Chemchey, so you can expect lots of pictures of the place in my next post.

Inspire & Get Inspired!


Living abundant-Living with Passion

Living abundant-Living with Passion

This blog was one of the more difficult pieces to write. It was stressing to ask myself what were my passion(s)? But I hit the grey area. Probably I don’t have any passion to talk about. And that’s really a serious concern.

I do have some serious interests though. I will start with my training career. Without any formal training I started working as a soft skills trainer, I liked the idea of making a positive impact on my audience. I felt that my own self-esteem grew higher, and that really felt good.

Secondly, I have a great interest in writing and reading. I have been writing close to 9 years now. It all started with the desire to jot down my memories from my first crush in a diary, it was back in the year 1999. Like many of us I dream of publishing a book, since the year 2007 I have procrastinated so much that it’s been 9 years that I have not been able to finish my book. Yes, that sucks!

I love to bake, I picked this skill 3 years back and just months before when I started my own café. My pleasure giving neurons gets triggered when I see a cake rise, and when I am able to ice it. The very process is soothing.

Pretty much like others, I like to explore places. I think I would change the term from ‘exploring’ to ‘being there’. When I travel, I don’t think I have ever explored places, I just like the idea of being there, that’s it. It really inspires my creativity. That’s how I am.

As a kid I used to ride a BMX, and my love for cycle is intact and growing, I have started cycling more seriously, and gradually covering longer distances. Surprisingly, it is helping my spine as well which was not in good shape (recovering from a slipped disc).

Congratulations if you have read till here, you might have been confused as well as amused that while I am talking about passion but I have all the while written my about hobbies and interest areas. But you know I had more items on the list, but may be some other time. Importantly, you need to know that your passion is very different from your hobbies. Yes!

The word Passion is one of the misnomer of our times. Many times, passion is synonymously misunderstood with our hobby(s) and livelihood. But then, can’t our hobbies be our passion, of course it can!

A hobby is an auxiliary activity, something that one pursuits outside one’s regular occupation especially for relaxation.

On the other hand, passion is not at all relaxing. Passion engulfs you like a storm, it chases you and never leaves you alone. Whether you have time for it or not, it incloses itself in your life. In the older English, passion also meant to ‘suffer’ and therefore it is a sacrifice one is ready and willing to give and is thrilled about it.

Then, how to know/find your passion?

The answer to that question starts with finding your purpose of life. When you begin with the end in mind you will also build the bridge to reach your aim. You will relentlessly build that bridge to reach the end, you will give all your energy, emotion, and time as bad as you want to breathe. When you find your purpose, you find your passion, and when you have found your passion you will continue to pursue it despite what it may cost you.

Passion is the common ingredient between a novelist losing all the sleep over her next lines, when a fighter is knocked out inside a ring but trains hard for the next fight, and when an entrepreneur sacrifices his personal life for the betterment of the society.

Passion and livelihood may not be connected, you perhaps work in the typical 9 to 6 set up in a govt office or in corporate. At the end of the day if you are contended then there’s no need to worry, but if you find yourself complaining then it’s time for you to pause and think.

I heard our lecturer in the college once said, “Don’t chase money because you will never have enough, chase your passion and you will have enough money”.

While writing this blog I did a small survey on facebook to understand where the passion of people lie. Of the people who responded to the question couple of them said they are passionate about cooking and baking respectively. The former is a chef and the latter is a professional home baker.

Smoked salmon over lettuce with balsamic glaze; Ambarish Das is a young promising chef from Guwahati
Neha Gupta is a professional home baker. One of her creation!

Other passions mentioned by the respondents were- Poetry, Gardening, writing scribbles, social entrepreneurship, music, wall art, face art, mountain biking etcetera.

These are interesting subjects and having a passion for them is a wonderful thing.

80% of people are dissatisfied with their jobs according to Deloitte’s Shift Index survey, and therefore it can be figuratively said that only 20% or lesser than that percentage of the world is actually going out there, chasing the unknown and working on their passion.

And therefore, it is easier to understand why so much less percentage of world population is living happily and loving what they do. Most of us die incomplete and unaccomplished. That is sad. That is scary.

I was no different, I was typically standing in the category of 80%, and if I contemplate little I understand that I was lying far below in that percentage. I didn’t even had the slightest of the idea what I wanted from life. And no wonder why I faced hardships in a very detrimental way.

How I discovered my purpose?

For me, and for anyone else if you are trying to figure out your purpose in life then start with the question Why?

Why do I have to travel that far?

Why do I earn that extra income?

Why do I have to survive another day, and another night?

Why do I bake?

Why do I write?

Simply start by asking the core question- Why? Remember if your why(s) are not strong you will give up easily when you face hardships. Keep asking the question until your why is not strong enough. If you don’t get the answer to your why, then it’s not your passion. Simple!

My purpose in life is simply defined by I-squareinspire & get inspired!

Whether I am talking to an audience, whether I am writing or reading, whether I am training my leg muscles while cycling, and whether I am baking, I am doing it with the purpose of inspiring the humankind and get super inspired at the same time. The very thought of these two elements fuels my intention. My core interest areas are transforming into passion, but not yet. But I am not making myself a fool by calling the things that I love to do as passion, not yet.

But the transformation is coming as I change the whole paradigm of looking into life itself, when I can contribute to the wellness of the people through life coaching, counselling, baking, cycling, gathering new experiences by travelling, and writing I see that in the process my purpose of inspiration and getting inspired is fulfilled. It won’t take much long to become passionate about all these areas. And while I write these lines, I am already losing sleep, and I am already focusing on impactful living.

Next time you think you are passionate about something, ask if that something leading you to your purpose of life, is that something that you are ready to walk the path of suffering, the path of sacrifice, is that something will lead you to sleepless nights.Remember the path of greatness goes through your passionate work, and its not easy, but that’s where our salvation lies.

Live abundant!




Meditative journey

Meditative journey

“If you have time to breathe you have time to meditate. You breathe when you walk, you breathe when you stand, and you breathe when you lie down.”— Ajahn Amaro

It took me a while to understand this, but unless you don’t meet face to face with the realization it takes time to understand what meditation really is. At least for me who is not so advanced in the transcendental knowledge of the supreme or perhaps you can say the nature, it is really difficult to attain the state of meditation. As I am still discovering the path of being in the meditative state here is a small write-up which I have co-authored with my spiritual friend Milli Datta Khan who is a Nichiren Buddhism practitioner.

Let’s dissect the word to understand it better. Meditation is according to Wikipedia is a practice where an individual trains the mind or induces a mode of consciousness, either to realize some benefit or for the mind to simply acknowledge its content without becoming identified with that content, or as an end in itself.” That’s one of the most lucid definition of meditation I could find on the web, and when I dwelled on the meaning within the lines it was indeed enlightening.

Another insight to ponder upon is the word ‘meditate’, meditation is noun whereas the word meditate is verb i.e. to take action. Therefore, to meditate is to take conscious action to achieve the desired mode of consciousness, and it can be said that meditation is a way of life, and how beautiful it will be if one’s life itself is converted into meditation. Now it starts with the very simple process of meditation and one needs to meditate on something to start the ignition.

Let me narrate a simple yet an apt metaphor, say, you decide to go somewhere by your car, in order to run the car you need to start the ignition then the car will move. Your ride depends on few factors like the condition of the road, the agility of the driver which is you, and the knowledge of the destination. Similarly, meditation is the journey, to meditate is to start the ignition and to keep running it, depending on your karma how smooth or difficult your journey will be is decided, but if you have developed the firm skills and character to face the adversities just like the skills possessed by the driver there is no second doubt that you shall reach your ultimate destination. Yes, the paths may be different and even if it sounds a bit clichéd it is true that it will lead us to the same destination. (Now, isn’t funny how people are hell-bent in destroying each other because they happen to choose a different path in order to reach their destination)

Just like you have the choice and free will to decide whether to undertake the journey by the car, you also have the free will to decide whether to meditate or not. It is for those who seek answers for their existence in this world, those who have realized that their existence perhaps might not just be a coincidence but by a deliberate design. Knowledge of the knowledgeable is important and that is there in the form of books and their wisdom is inevitable in search of truth, but without the knowledge of the ‘self’, the knowledge of within, the realization is not possible. The key to all the knowledge within is meditation.

When you initiate the process, when you start to meditate, you open the window to unlimited possibilities, you reach the ultimate knowledge source. If one needs to understand what I am talking about through graphical representation you can watch the movie Ant-man. Towards the end, when the Ant-man destroys the Wasp to keep his little daughter safe, he becomes so tiny that he is able to enter the smallest part of the atom itself. It appears that there is no concept of time and space here. There is just a vacuum which is so peaceful and full of transcendence.

All the answer lies inside us, we hold all the knowledge of the universe, and in fact all human beings are super powerful and full of knowledge. If all the bliss and eternal knowledge is inside us then why do we appear so much in difficulty and so much in pain? The answer to that question is very simple, if you have a trunk load of treasure which is locked inside, unless you open it would you have the access to it? You need the key to unlock the trunk, and that key is the way of meditation. We seek the key to that trunk outside, whereas it is within us. Failure after failure of inability to find the key leads to frustration.

That trunk is nothing but your subconscious mind that stores all the treasure of knowledge. When you are aware, you will observe that it is always guiding from what is (right) and what is (wrong), I have put them in brackets as these spheres are always subjective for humans, but our subconscious mind knows it all. When you listen to your ever existing voices inside you carefully then gradually it starts giving you all the answers that you need to know.

There is no particular way of meditation, however shutting down your visual sensory organ is necessary as it helps to shut off any distractions. Our mind is ever restless, it is here with us for a moment, and the very next moment it shall cover miles to be somewhere else, and that too before you realize. When you close your eyes, your inner guiding light is lit and helps you to have conversations with your ‘self’. In a definite way meditation is a prayer to invoke the higher powers to communicate that we surrender before You, it is a way to touch the ever beautiful ‘self’, and when that happens your world turns out to be beautiful, the sky, the flowers, the stream brings you message of happiness. You become filled with gratitude, and full of compassion.

Our heart only knows the path of happiness that gives us the inner peace and serenity. Spiritual practice such as meditation and prayers are nothing but to remind us what we are and we already know, why we are here, and what our mission is. And we all forget our heart’s message and fall into life’s ruts and crevices. We feel unfulfilled and unhappy. We get depressed and anxious. We have blurred our perspective and forgotten you bigger picture, and lost the way.

The remedy is simple. Take the time to remember our divinity, our spiritual nature. Remember why we are here. Meditation is one way to triggering our memory.

Meditation is a feeling of self-realization, and to know our subconscious mind where we can face our inner potentialities as well as our inner flaws and have the Strength to take the full responsibility of it and have the courage to accept it and change it. Here change is an inside job which causes conspicuous as well as inconspicuous benefits means unknowingly we start changing from inside and along with our outer circumstances also start changing.

As we take the full responsibility of ourselves that means we have already open our subconscious mind because with close mind it’s impossible to learn anything new. Only open mind can receive and process new knowledge. Now there will be a question, what is subconscious mind? Subconscious mind is our conscience. It can also be called our higher mind, higher self, or inner voice (the feeling that your subconscious mind gives you is called ‘instinct’. The subconscious mind is our true mind, spiritual mind. Just as the conscious mind or physical mind take care and guide our body, the subconscious mind take care and guide our soul. The soul and the subconscious mind are joined together for eternity. So after guarding our soul by preventing it from taking the wrong actions, the subconscious mind guides us towards what is morally right. Only spiritual knowledge alone will help our subconscious mind to evolve. It is only when we put that knowledge into practice that the subconscious mind grows. Therefore, the key to spiritual growth is pure action. Physical mind sets limit but our subconscious mind is actually shows how much limitless or powerful we are, and can only be done through meditation.

Meditation is an art or technique of quieting our mind. Although everything is energy and everything in this universe are interrelated and all set in a beautiful rhythm. With the help of meditation we can follow and sync ourselves with the universal rhythm. So that the endless chatter that fills our consciousness is stilled. In the quiet of the silent mind, the meditator begins to become an observer, to reach a level of detachment, and eventually, to became aware of a higher state of consciousness. By pulling us out of the rut of everyday awareness, meditation serves as a reminder of what we have been learning about higher, more spiritual values. To meditate is to remember regularly. You are reminded of the bigger pictures, of what is important in our lives and what is not.

There is a very beautiful line by Osho — “If u can be in love in any situation, then you are in meditation.”

It means only love is real. Only love is an energy of incredible power and strength. We are all made up of energy and love encompasses all energies. Love is an absolute. Love never ends, never stops. The purest form of unconditional love, expressing your love and expecting nothing on return. By giving love away freely you become a spiritual millionaire.

Remember to listen to your intuition, and try not to let your fears sway the soft and gentle murmuring of your beautiful heart. Feel the freedom to love without holding back, without reserve, without condition. For our lives in this plane is limited ones. We are merely in a school. When we return home, we take only our thoughts, our actions, our learnings, our love with us.

Finally, do not be afraid. We are immortal, eternal spirits and we are always loved. In fact we are love.

Therefore, remember, when you are seeking love and happiness you are seeking the path to self-realization. You just don’t know it yet or perhaps still seeking ‘happiness’ at the wrong places. When you are walking the path of your passion, the things that you love to do, it is in fact a manifestation of meditation. Sooner or later we will be there, we all will be taking that journey. You just have to understand our relationship between you and the Gohonzon, till the time your life itself is converted into a form of meditation and it becomes visible when you walk, talk, sleep and think.

Fearing your Fears!

Fearing your Fears!

Fear, the word itself can echo so many emotions that may be visible in the surface or stay hidden in our subconscious mind. It’s a dark and unknown zone where we hesitate to put our foot into. As a behavioral and life skills trainer, it has provided me the opportunity to look closely the unique spectrum in which the fear resides in humans. The phenomenon of fear can be as simple to understand as the ‘fear of needles’ to the more complicated ones such as the fear of closed spaces also known as ‘claustrophobia’, and yet there are other forms of fear which comes under the bracket of social phobia, now known as Social Anxiety Disorder. I wanted to understand what kind of fears do people suffer from, therefore, I asked my friends in one of the popular social media platform to share one of their fears; I got some interesting insights, few of them are- a single mother was anxious that she would lose her only son to the worldly possession when the child grows up, another respondent was fearful of not being able to complete the professional course he has enrolled into, yet another respondent replied that she was afraid of losing the man in her life. The different insights helped me garner further perspective in how fear present itself in different facet in one’s life according to their relative truth.

The wordweb dictionary defines fear as “An emotion experienced in anticipation of some specific pain or danger”, if you re-read the definition it gets more interesting as it involves ‘anticipating’ or expecting the outcome of a particular situation you might be in. Let’s start from the individual point of view and understand how he may see the world from a fearful state of mind. If I have to regress my thoughts some time back to the point where I started writing this piece my mind was clouded with doubts, I even thought of giving up this piece of write up, reason being that I read through the blogs of my fellow writers and thought that it was marvelous, but my mind didn’t stop there, it started comparing with their quality of write up with that of mine and surely I felt I had pathetic sense of writing. It took me a while to contemplate and looking at things from a vantage point where I could sense back things as they are, the answers I got was divine and its true for all with no relativity involved; maybe my writing is not as good as my fellow bloggers, but, yes, I am doing just fine wherever I have reached and I am writing on the topics which might inspire someone. There was a sense of calmness after that, I could see that there was no reason for any comparisons and I am doing just fine. The fear that someone is greater and better than you is deep-rooted from the self-doubt, and once your doubt is gone your fear is gone.

Fear is paradoxical because it doesn’t exist because when we confront the situation (which is in the form of fear) it either vanishes or gives you weapons (solutions) on how to face them, however, fear itself is imaginary. What about fear of death? We have a mortal body, and sooner or later it shall be lessened to ashes, however death is only a medium or a passage where the mind and soul travels to its next destination. People who have gone through near death experience (NDE) might have more than a vague idea about what exactly went through when they approached ‘death’. Many experience reveals no particular pain and suffering and if there’s any they don’t remember. However, what happens when you confront and stand face to face against your death; there can be only two possibilities- either you die, where the fear of death is no more, because you have just met it, or perhaps you now know how to better deal with the circumstances that can lead you to your death. We might be extinct in human form but we can never cease to exist.

Some phase of your life may be lonely, you might hanker for acceptance but you may not find any. Your ‘false ego’ will lead you to think that you don’t belong anywhere, and you start to think that you are not being loved, or you may lose your most precious possession in the form of friends and loved ones someday. If you have observed carefully then you must have noticed that the source of happiness in all these are all lying outside ‘you’. The ego seeks to control, it seeks acceptance, and it seeks love not knowing that both these elements are inside you. You cannot seek it outside, you shall probably find your own reflection outside and that is only possible when you are ready, so there’s no fear, and therefore, there is no fear of separation, there’s just the ‘ego’ reducing and gradually shrinking.

In my formative years I was extremely shy, later it developed into a mild agoraphobia where I would get really anxious about going outside, and being present in a social gathering. Even now I would be conscious while eating and being stared at in the public. However, when I confronted my fears of social anxiety it was once again proved that fear is actually non-existent, it’s like a ghost that we may feel but can never see, and take varied forms through powerful human imagination. Although I am an introvert, I enjoy my work as a behavioral trainer and motivational speaker, and I like to speak to a sizeable audience. Someday, I wish to speak in front of a packed auditorium.

Fear and the world order

The very existence of fear in the form of insecurity is the reason for wars and unrest in this planet. Mass murder, genocide, taking control of the resources are all stemming from the ugly variants of the same. Religious principles are not based on the foundations of spirituality but on the foundations of fear, i.e. the fear of insecurity, trying to propagate the theory of ‘One God’ but will condemn other’s belief. The deep rooted psyche goes out to believe the ‘other’ non-believers in their Gods or ways as enemies, and propagandas are laid out to annihilate them. As we move forward in the cycle of life, the sphere of fear will widen, however, with divine faith in oneself, by walking in the path of self-discovery one can definitely revive this process, as they say, one needs to look within, search for the calmness, hear the silence. Then, the ‘self’ will reveal the things as they are, it shall be bereft of any judgments, when that happens no fear can exist. At this point there comes no one but Viktor Frankl in my mind who survived the Nazi concentration camp to tell the tale of exemplary human endowment of love. Even after losing his wife and his entire family to the gas chambers of the camps he survived this ordeal of extreme nature. After losing everyone who was close to him, he contemplated why he was even alive, and wished for death for himself. He almost lost all his will to live, but there was a divine intervention in his heart and he realized that no one can take away his inner freedom. The Nazis can strip him off his clothes, cripple him or cut off his tongue, and send him to the gas ovens but they cannot take away his freedom, no one can snatch the love that is inside him. He came face to face with his death only to realize that no one can take his ‘life’ away from him but him.

People spend most of their lives in fear, you are fearful of dying, fearful of your circumstances, you fear that you may never be able to achieve what you aspire to do, but you are ready to live a life of mediocrity. You want to see what’s in store but are reluctant to turn the pages of life, and most importantly you are fearful of living. When we live in our true self, no fear can ever touch us, no doubt can surpass us because when one lives and leads with an enlightened self, full of love that’s when one starts to live fearlessly.

“Set me like a seal upon thy heart, love is as strong as death.”

-Victor Frankl