Addicted to porn and masturbation!

Addicted to porn and masturbation!

Besides my work as a soft skills trainer and motivational speaker, I also work as a life coach for one of the emotional wellness platform in India. One of the most pressing concerns that people who are in the age group 18-30 happen to be facing is the habit of watching porn and over masturbation. More than 90% of the population from this age group would belong to the people who are in their late teens or early adulthood. And 60% of the clients who get connected with me their concerns would be related to porn and masturbation.

With the growing numbers, it is but important to talk about it out more in the open, and also understand some underlying concerns that had surfaced in the process.

First things first, addicted to porn and masturbation is just like any other addiction and the only difference that surrounds or I should say are the myths and confusions that come with it. Myths surrounding it can be as weird as someone believing that masturbating daily might increase their height or may give them an improved jawline. These two instances might seem to be very funny but it also points out towards the lack of education regarding this topic.

Although it is very normal and natural to explore and have curiosity related to sex during teenage years or in the early twenty’s, however, when one is indulging in it without any control and starts to feel disoriented then it’s an alarm.

I also remember the day when as a teenager I was curious about porn too. During those days porn was not easily accessible and one had to rent VCD’s and for those who didn’t have the luxury of a CD player had to rent it too from the numerous CD library shops that mushroomed back then. I was in 11th standard. But as a normal phase, it passed by me too.

But looking at the way this passing menace has gripped not only the teenagers but the youngsters who are in their late twenty’s or early thirty’s and rather than relying upon any real relationship they are solely depended on the ‘mental harem’ to gratify their senses is something very worrisome.

It is also important to understand that porn and masturbation is also like a medium of escape (the easiest accesible escape) when things are stressful in life. As self-gratification gives a temporary sense of relief or to false sense of coping up with life stress so one would often find people indulging in these habits as a source of coping mechanism.

Does it help? The answer is absolutely not!

The habit of porn and heavy indulgence in masturbation creates a state of mental and emotional agitation and if not controlled then it can affect one’s physical health too. The most common question that I encounter from youngsters is “I want to stop this habit but I can’t control myself”. The question is who else will come and control it for you? The indulgence has so much increased that increasingly high number of those who are addicted to this habit has shown some kind of perversion or the other.

For many, what started as an innocent curiosity have become a dangerous indulgence which results in frustration and being reduced to just a slave of your mind.

The indulgence has so much increased that increasingly high number of those who are addicted to this habit has shown some kind of perversion or the other and don’t treat women any more than just an object of gratification. It is also important to note that both the genders have been impacted by these negative elements.

For those who are really looking to get out of this habit needs to make a decision to stop the habit once and look at life from a different perspective. Don’t try to control, if you want to stop this habit in one go it’s going to relapse with a higher force. It’s important to understand that the habit which took years to form would need your patience and time to deal with. You gradually need to cultivate the positive habits and work on them day in day out.

For those who want to start then can make a weekly plan to start with. Start with a simple goal as in how many numbers you can reduce your habit of masturbation, say for example if you were masturbating 7 to 10 times in a week, try to reduce it by 2-3 times in the first week and gradually bring to masturbating two to three times a week which is healthy for both your mental and physical growth. Try to understand the science behind it, I would advise those who are reading it to go through the relation between testosterone hormone and masturbation. For those who are in fitness and have some serious goals, they need to be all the more disciplined.

For both the indulgence in porn and masturbation, you can make a log table and record the number of times you indulged yourself in the habit. In this manner, you can bring more accountability to control the habits.

The most important thing to do is to get busy with productive work in your life. If you have to indulge in something then indulge yourself in improving your life by updating and upgrading yourself by gaining knowledge and by improving your health. Because when you are too busy improving yourself and grow there won’t be any spare time for you to be able to waste it.

The goal is to reduce the masturbation and stop watching porn once and for all. One moment of distraction can go a long way to impact your goal in life in a big way.  You always have the power to choose, and let not the complaint of your stressful life be an excuse to indulge in the negative habits of life.

If readers want to ask me anything then I would request them to leave me a message or comment. You can also let me know if you want me to cover any particular topic.

Credit:Google images.

 

 

 

Stop Procrastinating!

Stop Procrastinating!

How to stop procrastinating?

When you sleep the whole day and are not able to push yourself out of the bed when you repeat the words that “I know but I don’t want to but I can’t, when you give yourself one million ways of ifs and buts then understand that you have been bitten by the bug of procrastination.

Often when I hear people questioning that “I want to be rich but I don’t know HOW”, “I want to get fit but don’t know HOW”, “I want to start reading books, but I end up watching TV”, “I want to stop worrying but I get more insecure”…so tell me what should I do and HOW should I stop all the worries and achieve whatever I wish.

Youngsters also frequently ask sounding frustrated about the habit of over masturbation and watching porn. “I want to stop this habit as it is ruining my peace and energy, but the problem is I can’t”.

“I plan to study but when I sit and open my books I start to day dream and get distracted by million things and by the time I realize I end up already wasting my time”.

Wish all the day, and so you wish but nothing is going to happen. You are not procrastinating but actually, you are in the “habit of procrastination”.

Don’t you really know HOW to? Tell me your schedule and I will tell you whether you are building your life to become rich or its just a mental speculation of hollow aspiration.

Tell me about your calorie intake, and I will tell you whether you really want to get fit or just ruminating on failure to stick to a diet and exercise?

Stop giving yourself the excuses of  “not being able to” anymore. If you desire something then it has to be backed up by your efforts and perseverance. And probably that’s the reason behind the success rate of people with talent without motivation or perseverance is lesser than people with average talent and with a high level of perseverance and motivation.

Procrastination is an extension of chronic thought of ‘if’s’ and ‘but’s’. “What if this and what if that? I know everything but I don’t want to”… First of all, there’s a huge difference between knowing and doing. Everybody knows what’s the right thing to do, and it doesn’t matter at all and makes no difference if you are not converting your knowing into actions. If you are not doing anything about your ‘knowing’, then it is as good as a big zero-0.

So how do you stop procrastinating?

If you are expecting to read a trick or some quick fix tips, stop reading and leave the blog right away.

I see that you are still here and really want to get over this habit. So, let me tell you the secret of stopping to procrastinate, and that secret is to START!

Stop being caged in your own myriad of thoughts and START. Whether you are a teenager, whether you are a youngster in your early 20’s struggling with your career, whether you are someone who is struggling with your relationship, whether you want to control your financial situation, whether you are disappointed with your health status and the way you look…Take a decision to START, take a decision to start the ignition, take a decision to stop worrying, and START to take actions.

Each day, every day start taking a decision that will enhance your life, that will enhance your health and habits. You might ask me, where do I start? Start from anywhere, your life can be compared to a messy closet and when you think about rearranging it, it might give you anxiety but the point here is not to look at the closet and worry but starting to arrange it. And you can start from any section. Once you start it would just be about your effort and patience.

Change would come with you or without you, time would pass by with you or without you, and life will move on with you or without you. You need to be the one to decide whether you keep resisting it or embrace it and make it meaningful for yourself.

The kind of life you want is right in this moment happening, don’t complain when you are in a toxic relationship, don’t complain when you don’t like the way you are, don’t complain of being sick and tired of the job that you are in, don’t complain about your habits that you are putting you down. Because you yourself have been deciding to be in this state, to be with the person who treats you like a garbage, to be

Because you yourself have been deciding to be in this state, to be with the person who treats you like a garbage, to be in a job which doesn’t give you any fulfillment, to be in a self created shell. So stop complaining and DECIDE to break the pattern. If you are not happy do something about it or SHUT UP!

Take a decision to change, then plan to implement those changes, begin and repeat it each day, every day!

Credits: Google Images.

 

 

 

 

How to always stay motivated?

How to always stay motivated?

The answer to that question is a plain- NO!

You can’t be motivated all the time or all the day. You cannot always have your peak time when you feel. Because when you are going up you shall come down too.

Then what’s the point of this question? Why not live life as it comes and as it shows?

Yes, you can but the question is can you afford to? Can you afford to live life without asking yourself what you really want and going after it?

Motivation is basically a mindset or temperament that arouses an organism to act forward to the desired goal, and it depends on how strong your purpose of going after it.

In fact, your purpose of going after your goal has to be bigger than you, bigger than yourself. A goal which can be bigger than yourself can only be that goal which strives to work for the betterment of the others. Simply put, how achieving of that goal can help someone better?

Motivation is directly related to inspiration, and when you are looking for inspiration they are everywhere, only thing is you have to keep your eyes and ears open and have a heart which believes in acceptance.

When you are down and out- few questions to ponder upon are-

Why are you doing what are you doing?

Why is it important for you to achieve this/these goals?

Because when you are down and out these questions shall act as a compass and directs you.  At the end of the day, it is pointless in expecting someone else will come and raise you up. No, that’s not going to happen. So have the clarity of what you want to achieve and most importantly -Why you want to achieve? And don’t worry about motivation, because if you are inspired you shall find the motivation within you!

 

 

 

The disease that I don’t want to deal with!

The disease that I don’t want to deal with!

“I feel so helpless”

“I hate myself, I am an idiot”

“Why me?”

Do you find these statements familiar?

In my interaction with various people in training, and one to one counselling sessions I commonly encounter these two questions- what is the purpose of life, and their inability to accept themselves.

The nature of these two questions seem to be unrelated. But at the same time if one cannot accept oneself there is lesser possibility of growth of an individual, leave alone the discovery of one’s Purpose of life.

Many a times people find it difficult to accept themselves because they don’t like the way they look, they don’t like the way people judge them, they don’t like the way they think, and they don’t like the way their life is in comparison to others.

The stratum of comparisons have reached the level where the individuals know that they are comparing their life with others but still they can’t help but end up doing the same. We have reached the point of learned helplessness to the extreme levels where we derive pleasure in comparing, complaining and contemplating without doing anything about it.

Why accepting your ‘self’ is necessary and pivotal?

When you accept yourself as you are positive change starts to take place. Accepting yourself includes accepting your thoughts, individuality, your behaviour and your situations and circumstances. Unless you recognize the concerns you cannot start working towards any change or improving the circumstances. You can’t shoot arrows in the dark and expect to hit the target. It is better to have clarity on the foes we are fighting.

“But what about my circumstances?”

“What if even after trying I go empty handed?”

Do one thing today, strike out all your “ifs” and “buts” from your vocabulary. Those are powerless and do you no good. We have set our standards for being ugly and beautiful, and being successful and a loser. But who is defining the standards and against whom or what do we compare with to set the standards?

Not accepting or inability to accept is like saying, that you have discovered a cancer in your body but you don’t want to do anything about it, but you are too stressed because of it. Does it make any sense?

You have heard it million times, and I would repeat it again that no human is alike, everyone has a distinct set of DNA and cell structure, and therefore it is nonsensical to compare yourself with anyone. Another point to understand is we are here to contribute and help others to reach their goals and in turn nurture ourselves to achieve ours. It’s a powerful act of interdependence. And unless you discover your gifts how can you contribute to the humanity. Remember the world is waiting for you!

The problem here is the resistance to change, and thinking that when your circumstances will change then you will be happy, when people treat you right then you shall be happier. But how is that even possible when you are not ready to change your thought patterns?

But, it’s so difficult to start!

When you are ailing and decide to visit a doctor do you complain that you have to take out time, fix an appointment and visit the doctor? Probably not. Of course it may be too taxing to go because of the health condition, but you do go. So it starts with a step and that may or may not be difficult.

We get overwhelmed by the mountainous problems that we see in front of us. But look at the problem like this, unless you start with a step how can you even think about scaling the mountain. So go one step at a time, and one day at a time. Don’t worry and stress about the whole problem in hand, slice it down and take one piece at a time.

Effective people don’t find their passion first, they first find out their interests, and on the way there will be many trials and errors, and you shall fail many times. When you take initiative you shall find few things where you are good at, and few areas where you are average at, and yet some where you will find its out of your interest areas.

Then keep on experimenting with your interests, keep doing that until you find your uniqueness there. Don’t loose heart if the results doesn’t show up.You don’t expect a seed to grow into a sapling then start giving you fruits immediately after planting it in the soil. It takes time, it needs proper nurture and care. And when its time, it shall give you the fruit. You got my point!

 

One of the powerful affirmation that I came across and I constantly recommend to the people i meet is- “I AM ENOUGH!”

That’s powerful enough to change your circumstances by giving you a different paradigm.

With that affirmation, don’t wait for the circumstances to change for you to make a start, start anyway. When you undertake the journey, things will unfold itself just like when you read a book the story will only be revealed while turning the pages.

So, start by recognizing your reality and your individuality, and accept it and approve of it. There is no need to resist what you discover, you only have to work on your gifts and contribute back to the nature.

Gratitude!

Do share your view on the comments below.

(The featured image was clicked near MG Road in Gangtok by the author)

Judima Festival-2nd

Judima Festival-2nd

The number of times I have traveled to Haflong last year would be more than thrice the number of times I have visited the place before till now. And the reason behind the frequent travels was the second edition of Judima festival.

Interestingly, I went to Haflong to attend the maiden edition of Judima festival as a tourist and an outsider. And when the team behind the fest decided to go for the second edition, I got an opportunity to be a part of the organizing team.

Unlike the two days of first edition of Judima festival which was held in the month of January last year, the second edition of Judima fest was a three day long affair which ensured more coverage, more activities and music, and much larger crowd than what I witnessed in the first edition. And even in the midst of nonchalant protests by a meager section of people to ban the fest, the festival pulled a large number of crowd from both local and tourists alike.

The Chief Minister of the state was to inaugurate the fest but he couldn’t make it due to some last minute exigency. However, a few ministers from his cabinet graced the inaugural event of the festival.

Nonetheless, our cities and for that matter any part of the country even being the remotest of the regions can get a face-lift if an important leader makes their visit. And Haflong being the only hill station of Assam got its fair share of makeover too.

I just wonder how it would have been if the CM’s cancellation of visit would have been announced even few days prior, say at least three days in advance- no need to guess, the roads and beautification would have been left incomplete in the middle.

However, in spite of the absence of the CM, the fest started off well. A few ministers from his cabinet graced the inaugural function.

The first two days of the fest was really warmer than what normally the temperature would have been around this time of the year. The fest started with Dr Ronald Bathari’s singing of “We welcome you to Dima Hasao”, this welcome number from him was raw and refreshing at the same time, I guess that’s where the uniqueness of the place lies too.

They even have an interesting and very nicely made YouTube channel, click the link below:

Judima fest prep with Dr Ronald (The guy behind in purple sweat shirt is Dr Ronald)

Conventionally any given day the fest in this part of the world starts with a welcome speech, the speech by the guests and a customary vote of thanks. But what got my attention as always was the prayer offered to Barai-Sibarai (Goddess Shiva) by the elderly village head to mark the beginning of the festival. However, I felt the prayer recitation was not flawless unlike last time.

The showcase of ethnic cultural dance and music was initiated by 100 plus Dimasa drummers and dancers assembled together. It is indeed a sight to witness this synchrony  live, and perhaps I now understand better why your feet starts to tap and your arms want to sway the moment you listen to Khram-Muri (Dimasa drum and flute).

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Bai-dima being performed by more than 100 dancers and drummers: Pic credit (Pappa Raozza Karigabxa)

There was a Judima tasting experience for the tourists, however, at the same time the second edition also ensured that no wine was being sold to any minors. It is a symbolic step as Judi in Dimasa community is intrinsic to the everyday use in offerings in rituals or offered to the guests at home as a gesture of respect.

Dancers and singers from various other tribes and communities added more charm and shades of various colors with their performance. The surrounding hillocks echoed their rhythm.

 

(Photo credits: Dr Chandan Sharma & Mr Bankim Phonglo)

Although the day was very sunny, the pleasant winter evenings compensated for all the complaints, and made the ambience ready for some scintillating time ahead. From Daniel Langthasa’s (Digital suicide’s front-man) satirical take on the current socio-political guitar solo to Koloma’s folk fusion kept everyone wanting for more. While the former presented some intelligent slapstick through his music and the latter performed some refreshing Thripra songs to listen to (it is their second performance in the fest).

Another fusion rock band from Guwahati by the name ,Celestial Way, performed Steppenwolf’s ‘Born to be Wild’ and indeed made the crowd go wild with the energy to warm up the night. And when it was time for the show stopper rock band from Dimapur- Dima Project to perform, I was waiting for them to play my favorite number ‘Lailangkha’. They reminded me of the rock bands from the 90’s. The last day of the event saw completely two opposite genres performing, one was Rain in Sahara- a hip-hop fusion band and the other was the veteran of Blues- Spreading Roots. And only one thing was common between them- their electrifying performance!

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Spreading Roots in action: Pic credits- Pappa Raozza Karigabxa)

The festival was thronged by lads and damsels with their enchanting spirit and beauty, and it was an ocean of rainbow all the way. Spellbound!

damsels
Dimasa damsels: Pic credit- Dr Chandan Sharma

The other attractions of Judima were the trekking events and heritage walk to the abandoned railway track (another unique tourist attraction which is yet to be utilized to the fullest by the tourism dept of DIMA HASAO).

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Heritage trek to abandon railway track: Pic credit- Pappa Raozza Karigabxa

Apart from the above itineraries, there were fun and thrill filled sport activities for young and old alike, like boating, zip-lining, burma-bridge, and wall climbing which was well supported Assam mountaineering association and Climbing circle group.

For trekking enthusiasts both the treks to Barail hill range, and Trek to the picturesque Samparadisa was successfully organized. It not only gave the nature loving tourists a taste of varied flora and fauna of the region but also introduced them to the typical Dimasa village and a peek into their daily lives.

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Trek to Samparidisa village: pic credit- Colours of northeast India

Interestingly there was a section of people who were against the celebration of Judima festival as according to them this celebration is parallel to promoting consumption of liquor amongst the youths. And as I write this piece these handful of people are still wondering how to handle the progressive and inclusive nature of  the present generation who are already tired of the hypocrisy and double faced political leaders.

Fortunately, their negative publicity could not deter the much awaited second edition of Judima fest which was celebrated in the right spirit without any untoward incident eventhough this place is known for its political and social disturbance in the past.

My mother urges me to work for the development of this community which has a foundation of rich culture, and I too empathize with her. Only thing that concerns me is the lacklustre attitude of the so called leaders who are busy reaping the public fund and ill informed people who are yet to understand the inclusive all round development of the region and the community.

With the belief that I will be able to contribute more to this lovely initiative taken by the Judima fest team and the beautiful people of Haflong, I am positive that things will change and Haflong will be visited more by the rest of the world.

Juthai!

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Enthralled crowd at Judima festival- Pic credit: Pappa Raozza Karigabxa

Note: All the pictures are the property of the photographers, the featured image is also being clicked by Pappa Raozza Karigabxa

 

Begin Again!

Begin Again!

That was a very spontaneous thought to name by blog as i did. Writing after a gap of two months and trying to test whether i need any brushing up with my writing skills. Then i let it be, i just let it be like that. If i am able to express, then it’s good enough.

I am tempted to have new year resolutions, and yet I know if i come up with something, i wont be sticking with that for long, and that’s because i don’t have strong enough reasons to do so.

If you don’t like something about you, or your situation, then change it, its of no use to cry and whine over it.

At the same time, don’t wish or expect the world to change to any better in this brand new year, nothing is going to change. Yes, you can definitely expect yourself to change for better.

I am trying to make my reasons and WHYs strong, as of now I have figured out two things- I need to get into shape, and I have found out few strong reasons to do so. I will be turning 33 this year, and with the age i want to get healthier.

Secondly, genetically  i was blessed with good metabolism and yet i have not utilized it to the fullest, and I want to identify how hard i can train my body to become more fit.

Thirdly, I don’t want my stomach to bulge, the reason is simple- i don’t like the idea of looking like a fat old middle aged lazy guy who is just interested to work 9 to 5, and finish the day complaining about the world.

For now the above reasons to become fit and be in shape shall motivate and inspire me for long. And therefore it will all be about #Transform!

Click the link below where I speak on the related topic..

Secondly, with the nature of my work, i have been giving lots of excuses about not getting enough time to write, and i plan to write regularly again. Therefore, i am going to break all the excuses and start with updating my blog with at least one article every week. The reasons are as follows-

The first reason is simple, last year I figured out the motto of my life, i.e. to INSPIRE and GET INSPIRED! And writing is one of the medium where I can use it to do the same.

The same reasons cause my brain muscles to function more, the same reasons to inspire give me the thrill like no other.

Now, I have been procrastinating a lot on finishing the maiden book, and my search is on to have enough strong reasons to finish it by this year. No more pushing of my aspirations.

If you like what i shared or have something to share with me I invite you to share your views on this on the comments section below!

Have a meaningful year ahead!

 

 

 

When you begin to live an inspired Life!

When you begin to live an inspired Life!

I am excited! Yes, being in a place where you always wish to be, doing the things that you love and most of all living a passionate life, all of these marks for the perfect ingredient for a purposeful living.

Mountains and hills inspire me, and having born and raised in a city I always hankered to spend some time amidst nature. But I never wanted to visit a hill station as a tourist, in fact I don’t enjoy crowded tourist places where people are too noisy and busy clicking selfies.

Rather I always wanted to stay in the hills, wake up every morning to the chirping of some unknown flock of birds, hear the distant giggling of children playing in the nearby mounds, sip my cup of tea looking at the magnificent landscape right against my balcony, and the smoke coming from the chimney of a wooden house surmounted on the surrounding hills.

Yes, all that is happening right now.

When you live your dreams, it is not less than a magic!

Last March when I resigned from my job I wanted to pursue that I enjoyed doing. It’s not that I did not like my last job. I was working as a learning and development professional with a good pay.

But I was fed up with the 9-6 timing (sometimes till 10 PM),  the daily meetings which I found nonsensical. The monthly reviews on some imaginative figures defining the feasibility of learning and development. And the regular poke by the manager to doubt my abilities.

It’s an irony when people with least empathy work in human resource department.

After resigning from the job I packed my bags and went to Himachal and traveled to some beautiful hills and terrains of Barot and Parashar lake. I also stayed in McLeod Ganj for few days and made a wonderful friend there.

I still had some doubts to live an unconventional life, I applied for another job. I was confident that I would get through. However, my name was not there among the selected list of candidates. I was in deep trouble, I didn’t had any plan B.

When life becomes stressful, it takes a toll in your health too. My back was anyway not in good shape as I have strained it too much during my first attempt to start a cafeteria.

I was diagnosed with a slipped disc in the month of May, and my legs started weakening gradually. Doctor advised me a complete bed rest for 3 months. It was really frustrating but it also gave me time to reflect back on my strengths and inner calling.

It turns out that life becomes monotonous even when you don’t do anything; I would wake up by 6 in the morning, do my back exercises, have breakfast then go for physiotherapy. Then the whole day I would search for jobs and apply the suitable ones. Read as much as I can, Have dinner and sleep.

Then, I would repeat the same the next day, and for the next three months I would repeat the same.

After three months I stopped applying for jobs anymore.

I started meditating regularly, it helped me flush my negative thoughts and made me stronger physically and emotionally.

After a month of regularly practicing mindfulness in meditation I felt much better, a ‘feel good’ feeling can do wonders. I gradually made myself believe that I don’t really need to work conventionally to sustain myself. While meditating I figured out my purpose and my goals. I felt lighter!

I realized that throughout my life I have lived a twofold purpose– to Inspire others and get inspired. So, why not start working on that? Why not continuously do something I love- write, coach and inspire others and in return get inspired!

Everything started falling in place. I have started working as a consultant counselor, and now I am working on my first book. I have also started to jot down ‘ideas’ (will write about them later) daily. I will also be giving a session on ‘stress management’ and the ability to say ‘no’ for school students in Chemchey in South Sikkim. I am excited!

Sheer law of attraction!

We get a beautiful view of Mt. Kanchanjanga from Chemchey, so you can expect lots of pictures of the place in my next post.

Inspire & Get Inspired!