“I feel so helpless”
“I hate myself, I am an idiot”
Do you find these statements familiar?
In my interaction with various people in training, and one to one counselling sessions I commonly encounter these two questions- what is the purpose of life, and their inability to accept themselves.
The nature of these two questions seem to be unrelated. But at the same time if one cannot accept oneself there is lesser possibility of growth of an individual, leave alone the discovery of one’s Purpose of life.
Many a times people find it difficult to accept themselves because they don’t like the way they look, they don’t like the way people judge them, they don’t like the way they think, and they don’t like the way their life is in comparison to others.
The stratum of comparisons have reached the level where the individuals know that they are comparing their life with others but still they can’t help but end up doing the same. We have reached the point of learned helplessness to the extreme levels where we derive pleasure in comparing, complaining and contemplating without doing anything about it.
Why accepting your ‘self’ is necessary and pivotal?
When you accept yourself as you are positive change starts to take place. Accepting yourself includes accepting your thoughts, individuality, your behaviour and your situations and circumstances. Unless you recognize the concerns you cannot start working towards any change or improving the circumstances. You can’t shoot arrows in the dark and expect to hit the target. It is better to have clarity on the foes we are fighting.
“But what about my circumstances?”
“What if even after trying I go empty handed?”
Do one thing today, strike out all your “ifs” and “buts” from your vocabulary. Those are powerless and do you no good. We have set our standards for being ugly and beautiful, and being successful and a loser. But who is defining the standards and against whom or what do we compare with to set the standards?
Not accepting or inability to accept is like saying, that you have discovered a cancer in your body but you don’t want to do anything about it, but you are too stressed because of it. Does it make any sense?
You have heard it million times, and I would repeat it again that no human is alike, everyone has a distinct set of DNA and cell structure, and therefore it is nonsensical to compare yourself with anyone. Another point to understand is we are here to contribute and help others to reach their goals and in turn nurture ourselves to achieve ours. It’s a powerful act of interdependence. And unless you discover your gifts how can you contribute to the humanity. Remember the world is waiting for you!
The problem here is the resistance to change, and thinking that when your circumstances will change then you will be happy, when people treat you right then you shall be happier. But how is that even possible when you are not ready to change your thought patterns?
But, it’s so difficult to start!
When you are ailing and decide to visit a doctor do you complain that you have to take out time, fix an appointment and visit the doctor? Probably not. Of course it may be too taxing to go because of the health condition, but you do go. So it starts with a step and that may or may not be difficult.
We get overwhelmed by the mountainous problems that we see in front of us. But look at the problem like this, unless you start with a step how can you even think about scaling the mountain. So go one step at a time, and one day at a time. Don’t worry and stress about the whole problem in hand, slice it down and take one piece at a time.
Effective people don’t find their passion first, they first find out their interests, and on the way there will be many trials and errors, and you shall fail many times. When you take initiative you shall find few things where you are good at, and few areas where you are average at, and yet some where you will find its out of your interest areas.
Then keep on experimenting with your interests, keep doing that until you find your uniqueness there. Don’t loose heart if the results doesn’t show up.You don’t expect a seed to grow into a sapling then start giving you fruits immediately after planting it in the soil. It takes time, it needs proper nurture and care. And when its time, it shall give you the fruit. You got my point!
One of the powerful affirmation that I came across and I constantly recommend to the people i meet is- “I AM ENOUGH!”
That’s powerful enough to change your circumstances by giving you a different paradigm.
With that affirmation, don’t wait for the circumstances to change for you to make a start, start anyway. When you undertake the journey, things will unfold itself just like when you read a book the story will only be revealed while turning the pages.
So, start by recognizing your reality and your individuality, and accept it and approve of it. There is no need to resist what you discover, you only have to work on your gifts and contribute back to the nature.
Do share your view on the comments below.
(The featured image was clicked near MG Road in Gangtok by the author)