Happy birthday my lady, I wish you only super health. Rest of the things you can manage, and you don’t have to worry about me either, I won’t say ‘I’m always there’, because I am just a mortal guy with limited abilities, but as long as we two are alive, I am there. We both have written love-letters to each other several times, well, there’s still one pending from your side since my birthday, but, this time I don’t write about ‘us’, this time I write about you. Since you are superstitious about anything related to us, I guess there’s no harm in posting this small memoir because it’s about you.
Let’s rewind a bit…
I met you during my Post graduation days, like so many ‘love thing’ instances, by sheer coincidence (I don’t believe in that, everything is planned). I am still thankful to my batch mates from PGDM days, and to the quants teacher, who turned out to be your cousin who organized that picnic. Though, I have already bid my goodbyes silently , I still am thankful to them for this. Without them I would have skipped the picnic easily, I have attained finesse in skipping social engagements.
Yes, picnic it was, and winter and picnic in Assam is ceremonious, I am terrible with dates (except few), so, I don’t remember the dates of the picnic, perhaps in the month of January it was. It was not love in first sight or so they say, because our eyes never met properly, we didn’t caught each other stealing glances either. But when I felt your presence near me, I felt (or so I thought), ‘I should go ahead and start a conversation with you’. We were still coming out of our previous relationships. We were still searching for someone to heal us.
A bit weird it may sound, you fell for my feet. You say that it’s the blood red sole of mine that you fell for my love, later that’s how you named my café- Pink Cherry Bubble.
I might not have met you in your formative years, but certainly, I have witnessed you growing. I remember when you would not allow me to hung up the phone, and asked me to continue talking to you because you were too scared to sleep because of an incident. From someone who got herself admitted in the ICU because of a shock to someone who came out of her fear and faced the immigration officers when you were deported in a foreign country all alone. You have come a long way lady. From a stage of confusion to a stage of conviction, it’s something every individual hankers for. I remember when you dropped out of masters from NEHU to pursue your call against everyone’s wishes. To know your call is to know thyself. While you were still searching for it, came the unfortunate series of clashes in Kokrajhar, I knew there was something boiling inside you, something that you wanted to access, that you wanted to pull out from the crater of your heart. You channelized your thoughts, your energy, and your effigy of mental turmoil left you and initiated ‘Shradhanjali’. I think there was no looking back for you after that, you just discovered yourself. After that, there were numerous times when you have made so many people proud but that’s secondary. I need not say to express my happiness that I am proud of you, but yes, I am so proud of, much more than your achievements for the fact that you have found yourself. Let the search and the discovery of ‘you’ not stop here.
We two are our most difficult critique of whatever things we do in our day to day affairs. Initially I used to hate it, but over the time I learned that it had only helped us getting better as individuals. It’s been close to a decade of togetherness now, and I think we are just beginning to roll. You are the dominating partner in our relationship, and you are the only one who can dominate this arrogant brat. Yes, I am impulsive, I am blunt, I take decisions hastily but you got no other way out, your fate is sealed with me :P. I am only apologetic about the situation of uncomforting nature while I am pursuing my dreams. Please don’t stop believing in me, I have failed many times but I am reaching there.
We two have to be that pair of birds who fly in search of their freedom, in search of that flight that will release them, release them from their ever existing inquisitiveness of the sun, while they are burning they will know themselves. If the world is cruel, I don’t care we two can always find a place in each other’s arms, now, I don’t want to sound cheesy but that’s true.
You have been too kind to forgive my mistakes and tolerate my tantrums and angst, I know it’s not easy to handle this complicated person. I always think that words are mere words, they are not the valid mode of expression, because what we want to say might come close to what we want to convey but words are mere cacophony. Having said that we don’t have to complete our sentences, every time, every day you know what is going on in my mind, I just can’t hide it from you.
We have given each other something for the person we have become today, and I am glad about it. I am glad that in you I have found a person with whom I can have conversations on different topics. We don’t have to agree on everything, but it’s enough when I have someone to listen to me.
Yes at times I do miss the days when we used to have long conversation over the phone, ‘us’ would occupy our heads and hearts 24*7. I know it’s not possible to do that anymore. In life, we become busier, we have to take care of so many priorities and I understand that. God willing, I wouldn’t have to miss the moments anymore, we shall do the chores together.
I think that will be enough for now. Once again, a very happy birthday to you, may your day be bright and full of sunshine. And let me end with customary three words by saying I love you, but you know I do. Just keep walking, I am there right beside you! ❤
p.s. As you are approximately 2400 kms away right now, I thought of writing this to you here. Mail seemed too boring, and thought of utilizing this blog rather.